scanning the environment i don't see you anywhere saddened that you cannot be located, running back and fourth room to room yet no one could be seen in sight. Desperation turns to anger slamming each door almost ripping each door off its hinges. screaming in desperation for you to hear my cry, finally i find you i scream i yell i cough and splatter but you pay no attention to me.

Looking at your foolish heart and selfish desires

But you constantly remind yourself that your deeds are for love and fire

little do you realise that your selfish desires are ruining lives

You lie you cheat you deceive, smiling to the world like your care free

But my heart knows your pride your stupidity will only make her flee

Desperately you cling onto what was once yours

Telling yourself that your persistence will soon pay have its rewards

Little do you realise you have gone far beyond the point of no return

I pray you understand the plan God has for you for your to learn

and not turn

into the bitter, selfish person i currently see you are

The time is now, the time is now

Now is the time to look past your 'heart' and look at what is right

For when you do you will see the light

that God has placed upon your life

So that you can shine right through the night

Hate, anger, disappointment, and resentment

is how i feel towards you during this predicament

By the Grace of Jesus upon my life i too can forgive

But only if you can learn to let her live

For wat you are doing is more than a mere crime

once again i reiterate, now is not the time

Now is the time

Time for peace, time of rest, time to let go...

Ahh wat a day it has been.. after a mildly eventful day i start to wonder why people do the things they do, Like its amazing the diversity and unique properties that have been imbedded within our psyc.

ahh today was an eventful day

As the light enters my dry eyes i find myself slouched on a large table within a large room, rubbing my eyes the room begins to focus itself to reveal a large library filled with large books of all different varieties. Pondering where the hell am i, casting my squity eyes over and rubbing them once more there was a shelf that appear "tainted' as i stumbled over, i saw wat my eyes refused to beleive, once again rubbing my eyes to confirm,  i was gripped with fear, as the shelf was covered in blood. Wanting to run, my curiosity urged me to follow the trail of blood stained books, until i reached the end where there was a man with his heart ripped out of his chest, on the corner of my eyes i saw more blood and i continued over trembling and worried about whats around the next corner, however i was faced with the same cruesome sight, this time i noticed he was holding a bloodied blue object and attached was a small handle. Not knowing what to do or where i was i continued walking desperately searching for a way out however nothing but dead bodies all with the same fate and all holding the same tool. Soon enough i saw a man that was still alive i ran to him screaming "help wat do i do" he proceeded to tell me calm down and all this is all part of 'gods' plan. Dumb founded i stared blankly at him and began shaking in fear. He then handed me the same blue tool that the others met their doom with and emphasized it was part of 'gods' plan.  Upon taking the tool the man continued, this device is simple place on yur chest and rip as hard as you can, the grip on the pad will be enough to take out yur heart thus "showing your love for 'god'' i then began to feel the blood drain from my face and i struggled to remain coherent. Staggering over to a corner i pondered weather or not to proceed.  A inner voice kept saying Do it you know you love God, soo do it, jus place it over your chest and pull, while another voice said No, your going to hurt yourself and destroy your life. I kept trembling not knowing what to do, as i started to pray beleiving that i would get a confirmation from God to wat i was required to do, but nothing.. no word not answer but jus the eery silence. After a few moments of pondering i decided to do it, grabbing the tool i proceeded to lift it up and draw it closer to my chest thinking i love God and if this he wat is required then so be it. As quickly as that thought came another thought was brought to me attention and i retracted the deadly device. The realization that Jesus has done the unthinkable on the cross already, and that i know there is nothing i can do to make God love me more or less., hurting myself isn't going to make a difference so why do it.  I refused to beleive what the man said and refused to do the unthinkable, as i know God loves me for me. Upon realising this the man suddently disappeared and the eery, gloomy room i was in began to irradiate a bright light to which i awoken to find me safe in my own bed and the time was 8am.

This blog isn't for anyones benfit but i guess more for me to unload my thoughtsAt the moment i cbb writing bout my personality, mainly cos i'm at work and have work to do hahaha, but yeh sitting here on my lunch break with my coke zero in one hand staring out of the swan overlooking the narrows bridge and mouse with the other, sumhow it makes me think bout life. I guess lookin at the bridge you kinda see cars drive over it and boats go under it it makes me wonder how their life is, where are they going, are they enjoying themselves, and most importantly are they happy with their life.

A question like that i guess most people would give the answer "yeh its alright" i myself being one of those ppl. It also on the other hand depends on the situation at the time. However looking back at the past year it makes me realise how much has really happened. Like i actually have graduated this year which for me was a huge feat (for those who have known me for a long time u'll understand why). Cutting things short i almost gave up a few times particularly around the highschool stage and wantd to either jus get a normal 'hobo' job (Hobo meanin non uni educated its my dads terminology gotta love him haha) or even the thought of joining the defence force crossed my mind several times. However luckily God sat me down and told me i have purpose and it was not to be a slacker but to be all that i am meant 2 be. Which brings me to another point that i hear alot of people ask, how do we know wat we are doing is what God wants us to be doing?? My answer to that is simply (answer wif question) do you enjoy/are you good at what you are doing?? if the answer is Yes the chances are its probably wat God wanted you to be doing. As God probably gave you those gifts to be good at/enjoy what your doing.

Oh other things to point out wat happened during the year which impacted me:

* Hamilton world youngest F1 Champ, although i hate the guy wif a passion he has taught me valuable lessons that nothing is impossible, do what you enjoy and have a passion for and the world is your oyster :)
* Gotten my first fulltime 'proper' job funnily enough it was also the easiest job i've landed :S like interview process was quick and smooth, job training was easy ppl i work with are great and supportive
* First time flying in plane (hillsong Sydney and Melb 08 Trip) wat an amazing time that was, not only did i get to know soo many ppl from Melb i made new friends with those that came that i never really talked to (Perthies)
* Which leads me to my next point, all my friends that i have made this year and those that have grown over the past year i am soo greatful for all those relationships and i pray that they will continue to grow. Like some of you guys may not know but its you guys that has kept me from cracking :P and helped me develop more into wat God wants me to be.
* Graduated as mentioned above
* Obama :D yeh!!!! first black president i'm sure dat will impact me soon enough haha
* Had my green turtle shell stolen from me, (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND I HATE YOU :P) I just hope it brings u more happiness den it did me otherwise GRRRRRR

But yeh like sitting here i'm actually quite content with where i am in life, obviously i'm striving to improve it every day, but i also wonder wat life woulda been like if i was as smart as some of my friends. Like a gud friend mine who can sumhow sleep 4 hrs a day and manage to get credit minimal and on most occasions get D's or HD's with minimal study , or another friend who can study whilst b on msn and sumhow go through med, or one of my colleagues who claims she slept 2 hrs a night since she was 14 till d age of 21 and manage to look after her child (single mum during uni) and still get D's and HD's these ppl amaze me at their commitment and strength that God has given to them. I pray they do not take it for granted as its such an amazing ability. But i guess on the other hand everyone has their place in the world and they have been allocated their gifts for a reason and purpose. If i had those gifts i'll prob be in sum uptight private firm that will make me work 10 hrs a day and i wud have no time for anyone or anything else in my life. Which i guess i am very greatful for. (obvioulsy the pay would be better but is it really worth sacrificing everything else? my answer is no)

anyway i'd betta get bak to work, d mentos and coke are not mixin very well soo i'm gettin fidgity hahaha to much sugar :P till nxt time :D *hug* or *pat* (u noe who u are) hehe

Z

Profile of a 'typical' INTP according to the book You've got personality by Mary Mcguiness

Thats what i apparently am, an INTP according to a personality test conducted at work, they have concluded that my personality code is INTP. Which was quite bizarre and funny in many ways. Like the way they conducted this test was ask me a series of questions and i answer as honestly as i can without thinkin too much and avoiding neutral ground as much as possible. Then they try 2 validate them by making me answer more direct questions about how i felt wat my personality is. Like there was a series of four questions each with two choices and i pick one that i feel corresponds to my personality and beliefs. Funnily enough i ended up picking exactly wat the personality test showed.