Sitting here starting at two screens one with outlook the other with spreadsheets and of course d blogger, makes me really start to think about where i am in life. Here i am just finished uni which was like 2 years overdue anyway with a career thats just started to take off and me sitting here wondering if i'm on the right plane or not.

But the funny thing is i have yet to have any dreams about it, generally when i fear or worry about something i would dream very vivid dreams about the circumstances like my exams, my love life, or my health. However recently nuffin, most of the time the dreams have meaning and give me direction to where i should be or what i should do. Sometimes emotions and sensations are replicated in my dreams which hold true when reality catches up. Which brings me to another pondering point, is this God's gift or the power of human minds?

Apoligise for the dramatic blog, its just i guess its time i let a few emotions out of my system. For those who are reading i hope u don't think 2 much reading this cos its jus a pile of random thoughts that somtimes don't make sense to me at all.

Sigh here we go, i'm sure we've all had some point in our lives where we lie weather it be a verbal lie or physical lie we lie at some point. However for the past 7 months i have been living a lie, and no its not as dramatic as mike gug's situation. I've been living a lie through the way i portray myself around others, living a lie about the way i feel, smiling when deep down my heart cries out. Where when i talk to people i have to hide my emotions, where i have to block out my thoughts and mind to look at people in the face to show there is nothing bothering me.

I guess its something that has been on my mind for a long time now, i used to be content to where i am in life just keeping to myself, however God has told me this is not where i intended you to be. As fun as it may be at times to have the freedom to do what i want buy what i want. God told me sooner or later the light will shine on my life and i will look back and regret. But thats where the problem only begins, the more i open myself up to people the bigger the problem seems, the more lonely i realise that i am in this world. Although i am surrounded by the most amazing people in my life, i still feel lonely.

I'm sure theres soo many people in this world that feels the same thing i do, where i just want to reach out and just talk to them, but everyone is soo busy its hard to know even where to start and who to start with. Like Mike's story has only added to my sadness, it doesnt discourage me but it saddens me to know something like this could very well have been avoided if someone had just spoken to him, if someone was there to for him to be held accountable to, someone that knew him well enough to look into his eyes and see there was a burden on his heart. Which brings me to an interesting point, how amazing God is, although he was a sinner God still used him to save thousands of lives. But then again why wouldn't he.. like we break one we break them all right?? soo whats the difference between him lying everyday to everyone and us doing our 'small' sins?? absolutely nothing which means we all can do great things for God no matter who we are.

But such is life... i agree with you sometimes its truely impossible to tell someone how much we really did love them. Not because i couldn't open my mouth and do so, but becos of the reprecussions that would resonate negatively if i did. So where to from now? Continue loving without expectations? despite how painful it may be, or live in abnegation to what i truely feel either way the friendship will exist which is a positive i guess.

I guess as always rely on God, beleive in him, seek him first and the rest will follow. As life is not about my time but Gods time. Although it may be tough, however looking back there has never been a moment where God has let me down, where everything has happened for a reason. Even though i struggle to comprehend that reason straight away in time i see the hand of God working which i guess what brings me joy.

anyway God bless

Zee

For those who are reading this i'm assuming you know who i am and hopefully are interested at my 'interesting' blogs haha for those who don't know me wow you must be really bored lol.

Anyway i'm in a slight annoyance at Perth public transport, yes the trains are awesome but the buses are jus simply..crap in the nicest possible way. Not only to do brake heavily making those standing fly unless your holding onto dear life, they turn corners really quickly and worst of all jus becos they have a give way sticker on the back dey tink dey have d right to cut anyone off. But today really topped it off, one of those rare days when i actually feel like going to work and getting up early to go to work and take public transport yes i realise theres 2 many 'and's in one sentence but meh. anyway recently Perth weather resembles Melb weather, its cold and windy in the mornings soo being my usual self i arrive 10 mins b4 scheduled time of arrival. Bus arrives late not only that driver completely ignores my stop. how hard is it to spot a dude standing in front of a white sign wearing a black suit?? not to mention there where two other guys standing there doing the same thing also... so basically i was forced to take my car anyway which meant i jus wasted 30 mins of my life, killed the environment, imposed extra costs of driving my car as well as cost of parking car aragggg!!!!. However i did help those two other guys dere which i guess was a good thing.... like neva met them b4 they where living at my friends house soo i decided to help them out turned out they where cousins which being asian means not much hahaa, ie overseas students commonly refer to their hosts as cousins for simplicity. Which also brings me to another point about the bus driver 3 asians at bus stop and he only misses our stop (next stop was 100m down d road soo we cud see) hrmmmm something 2 ponder aye?? lol

anyway changing subjects something that is been bothering me is why do we all try soo hard to be someone that we are not? God all made us in his image and his image was perfect. Therefore each and everyone of us is unique and perfect as we are, however we try to be someone else but the funny thing is we can never succeed at that cos 1 its not in Gods plan, and 2 we will never be better than that person being themselves get me?? so why do we keep trying?? I was told this which i find quite funny, when God created manhe said his work was good but when he made woman he was speechless.

I know soo many people who are not satisfied at who they are, but the greatest commandment is about love and love your neighbor as yourself. However also God sees 1 sin equal to another meaning we may as well go lie cheat steal kill and it will be no different to hating yourself. So learn to love youself for who you are, when you don't you will notice it affecting everything else around you. eg how can you love someone else when you don't love yourself?? how can you love God? when you don't love the things he loves?

God made you perfect his purpose for your life is to prosper and succeed in life, however it is Satan who squirms his way into your life, manipulating your thoughts making you feel down and drains the life out of you. As hell will try to take what God has given you, so keep fighting keep relying on God's strength as where you are weak God is strong.

We should be proud of who we are, we should be happy of who you are as look at what Jesus did on the cross, he would have not gone through the torment the suffering the pain for something that was worthless. The king of Kings was willing to sacrifice everything for you and me. However when we allow our minds and Satan to manipulate your thoughts and get the better of you, we are being our own God as we are undermining Gods judgement for us.

Life is like an echo... what we send out, what we tell the world, what we feel the world will echo it back to us, so if we think we are losers it will come back to us. Thus be positive be happy and it will come back to us as being positve. As a christian we need to have God's confidence, to save our friends to save our family to save the world we need to hold our heads up high, we need to be the inspiration the light onto this world to light the way for those who are in darkness.

thats it for now, i betta get back to work :P soo yeh

Ciao

T

anywhos, here i am back at it again and this time its not at work but home and its late soo i really should be sleeping instead of blogging but i promised that i would blog tonight soo here we are haha, n by we i mean me :P

Its funny how everything seems soo much more interesting when your at work.. Like the simplist things such as blogging can fill such valuable time while sitting within my very humble cubicle. Ahh what to do today.. even the very thought of whats for dinner is sufficient for me to last through the day haha,

in case you where wondering my job isn't that bad where i dread every moment lol, like its just early in d mornin and i still havn't fully woken up yet. Well let me explain, normally my wakeup routine takes approx 1 hr which includes actually getting out of bed (10 mins after hearing alarm), hot mornin shower (20 mins), breakfast (15 mins), getting ready and leaving house (15 mins). Where as today i kinda woke up like 10 mins before i was supposed to leave. Therefore only bare essentials was completed and even then it was done rapid time :P. Shower and getting ready was done within 5 mins, like i had to try and do my hair while crossing the road for bus haha..lets just say it was a very interesting experience tryin to dodge morning traffic while playing with ones head haha.

Anyway it was like 2 mins before bus arrived soo yeh still hadn't fully woken up yet.

My weekened was very uninteresting :( like i wanted to chill wif a friend of mine on saturday like soo i SMS'd them and awaited reply, knowing how long they take 2 reply i went 2 my sax lesson, and den occupied myself when i got home. After a couple of hours i jus accepted dey had been bz and have yet 2 read msg i received reply at 6pm sayin dere phone had been playin up n dey been bz 2 fix soo yeh whole day did nuffin stayed home and i havn't been home home on a saturday for a very long time sigh i should try and make my weekeend more productive as they seem soo rare these days since i've started working..

anyway i'm off for now better get back to work, i'll write something a lil more interesting rather than pointless blabber that prob killed 15 mins of your time haha sorry. I'll put my testimony on here one day for those who are interested :)